Thanks, Stupid

Last week was the week of giving thanks, thanks to Thanksgiving. Yep, that just happened. Facebook is full (gosh, all the alliterations are making me alluringly weirded out so I’ll stop now) of people doing the “28 days of thanks” posts.

Me, I don’t do it. It’s not that I’m ungrateful for stuff. I’m very grateful for stuff. But I’m not sure I’d have 28 meaningful things to be grateful for. In the spirit of the “what if” game that my roomie and I played in college, what if the things I list by the 16th day are stupid.

I’d no doubt start out strong.

Day 1: I’m thankful for my family. My super-sexy husband and my crazy awesome kiddos

Obligatory, I know. But they are pretty cool.

Day 2: I’m thankful that I still have my dad around

I mean, he died and came back… I’d say I’m thankful for each day with that Houdini of a man.

Day 3: I’m thankful for my mom’s guidance and advice

She keeps me sane… gives me perspective… I don’t give her much of a baseline

Day 4: I’m thankful for my puppies

They’re always happy to see me. Well, sometimes I wonder about Lola. I’m pretty sure she’s planning world domination.

Day 5: I’m thankful for my job

Now I am

Day 6: I’m thankful for my friends

My liver hates them but what does my liver know?! She doesn’t know me! She just thinks she knows what’s best for me. She’s always such a buzz kill!

Day 7: I’m thankful for restaurants

Every mom knows the feeling of relief and elation when someone else in the family says, “why don’t we go out to eat tonight?” If the idea is mine, I’m lazy. If the idea is someone else’s, I’m winning. Like Charlie Sheen without the HIV.

Day 8: I’m thankful for those humans who frequently make bad decisions

Those bad decisions make me feel prettier, smarter, and more successful.

Day 9: I’m thankful for dry air days

My blowout will last for DAYS if the weather cooperates. If not, bye-bye Cosmo Tai (my Drybar junkies know I’m right)

Day 10: I’m thankful for smoothies

All my nutrients in delicious, fruit-flavored beverages slap full of sugar. Yummy in my tummy.

Day 11: I’m thankful for my dishwasher

And I don’t mean my husband even though he’s really good at it. I went 2 years TWO YEARS without one.

Day 12: I’m thankful for commercials that aren’t stupid

The stupid ones make me angry.

See??? It’s only day 12 and I’m already thankful for commercials. COMMERCIALS. Lame. What’s sad is that people post stuff like that for reals. Can we all agree to post-shame the stupid ones? Please? No one cares that you’re thankful for cereal or selfie sticks. If I see it next year I will make fun of you. And I expect the same in return. Thank you.

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