Ten Bad Co-Workers

I would like to dedicate today’s edition of Tangent Tuesday to all the dumbass members of corporate America.  Apparently, we can’t all be normal:

There is always someone who thinks they are more valuable than they are.  It’s ultimately the boss’s fault that this person is allowed to have an inflated self-value.  I like to call this person the Golden Foo’.  They shine like Fool’s Gold but it rubs off {that’s what she said}.  For the record, we are all replaceable.  Stop thinking you aren’t.

The Person who Cries “Ney”:  On the flip side, if you aren’t happy with your job, change it.  No one is “stuck”.  You can get yourself stuck by thinking that you’re stuck but it’s really just your fear of change.  B.T.Dubs, no one wants you around.  Especially Joy.  You kill her.

The Little Chicken is the person who always has an emergency. Take it from me: a compensation emergency is an oxymoron. Don’t ever say to me, “I need this ASAP” and expect me to take you seriously. I will laugh at you. And take my time. Also, don’t request something comp-related while you know I’m under general anesthesia. Yes. My boss did that.

“Hey, I hope everything is going well. Could you price this job ASAP?”
An hour later: “Never mind. Tom said you did it yesterday.”

Surgery went well, thanks for your concern.

Ever met the Stinker?  You know what I’m talking about.  The person that smells.  This could be the person that always microwaves fish at lunch or farts all the time or just doesn’t shower.  I once worked with someone who had such horrible breath that I almost threw up on several occasions.

How about the Brutus?  This person that will stab you in the back the first chance they get.  Ouch.  I met Brutus when I worked at Group Health in Seattle, WA.  Her name was Doug Debbie.

The Closet Freak is a nice change.  It’s usually a female.  At first she seems normal.  Then you realize, “WHOA.  Not normal.”  But she’s so intriguing…

The One-Upper.  Ah… the One-Upper.  You’ll spot the One-Upper by conversations such as:

You: I’m so tired.  I think I only got about 4 hours of sleep last night.
TOU:  Oh my gosh, I’m exhausted.  You’re lucky to get 4 hours.  I think I got 2.

Next conversation:

You: I finally got to work out last night.  It felt good to get a full class in.
TOU: I always work out.  Last night I took 2 classes back-to-back.

The Mom.  Didn’t realize you brought your mom to work, did you?  You did.  And she’s sitting in that Admin cube.

Tha Dooosh.  Ugh.  This is the man that comments on how much a pregnant woman eats.

How ’bout Tha Bee-atch:  The woman who tells you that the name you picked out for your son sounds “gay”.  Yes, that happened to me.  I said, “On behalf of my beautiful, “gay” friends, thank you.  You just confirmed that my son’s name is awesome.”

The Winger. This is usually someone in leadership who was never properly trained.  They are terrified to make waves, will throw you under the bus in a sec to make themselves look better, and they are totally winging this gig.

Captain Obvious:  Please see below.

captn obvious

Thanks for that, Shivachalappa.  Just had to get that comment in, did ya?  This is also the person who drags 10 minute meetings into a 2-hour waste of time.

This list isn’t exhaustive.  It’s all I could come up with while I’m supposed to be drafting a pointless Sales Communication.

Everyone listed above, with the exception of the Closet Freak, is the reason I’m planning my exit from Corporate America.  I don’t know when or how but it will happen.  But, for my sanity it has to happen.

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