8 Thoughts I Had Today

Every time my kids’ birthdays roll around I feel like I’m planning a wedding.  WHY ARE VENUES SO EXPENSIVE??????  Am I funding the owner’s coffee habit?  Maybe paying for him or her to send a kid to college?  All I want is a place for 10-20 kids to run around and not break anything…  Especially my bank.  Oops!  Too late!

If you are offered a job and tell me that you have to talk the offer over with your dad, there is a problem.  I rescind the offer immediately.  Is your dad going to drop you off every day?

Don’t correct my kids if I’m sitting right there.  Especially if you are working for an establishment at which I am a patron.  I won’t give you my money and I may punch you in the throat.  Back up.

I want an excuse to wear a sparkly, pretty dress and have my friends say super nice things about me that probably aren’t true.  I’m going to have an awards ceremony.  Invitations coming soon (that’s what she said).

Actors/Directors/Models, no one cares what your political beliefs are or that you do/don’t believe mothers should co-sleep with their baby.  Shut your mouth unless you’re telling me that you are starring in a new Melissa McCarthy movie.

Oh, and Angelina, please don’t run for office.  Ever.

Also, I don’t care to know that anyone I see on TV is getting their implants removed, or even put in for that matter…

Every day at the gym there is a large man (picture a very soft Michael Clarke Duncan) who wears daisy duke running shorts.  He gets on the elliptical machine and sits down on the back of it for a bit to contemplate life (isn’t that what it’s for?).  And we all see what God gave him.  At least he’s pretty 🙂

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