Dear Hillary

Dear Hillary,

You almost did it. Twice. You came within arms reach of the position that children, both male and female, all races, all backgrounds, all socioeconomic classes dream of. The most powerful position in the WORLD. And you blew it. {At least we know THAT’S not why Bill cheated}. I’m mad. Not that Trump won. He deserved it. He worked for it. Regardless of whether or not you like the character he portrayed during the campaign. It could very well be who he truly is. I don’t know him. I’m mad that you set us back. Women. That’s right. YOU made it harder for my daughter to rise to that level. YOU made it harder for women in leadership roles to be taken seriously.

When you’re blazing a trail you don’t have the option of being lax with rules or playing too close to the line of illegality. It’s not just about the end game. You can’t say, “It doesn’t matter how it happens as long as I win”. You can’t act as though the rules don’t apply. Because when your house of cards crumbles you take all of those you represent with you. You show the world that women can’t win without cheating and riding a husband’s coattails. You tell the world that your politics shouldn’t matter and your track record doesn’t count. You tell people that the making of history based on a trait you’re born with is all that matters. Not true. We made that mistake twice with Obama. Luckily we woke up. Did we swing too far to the right on November 8th? Maybe. But when you swing too far to the left, the universe has to self-correct.

YOU lost. Not because of gender discrimination, not because of anything OTHER than your piss-poor decisions, weak policies, and inability to directly and honestly answer questions that the American people want and need answers to.

As a woman, a former single mom and divorcee, your politics offend me. The whole entitled establishment you represent offends me. I worked my ass off to get where I am. I did it with no help from the government. I knew I wasn’t entitled to anything because of a situation I was in based mostly on decisions that I made. I got myself into that hole and I clawed my way out. Now I make more money than most men. I’m not rich by any means. But now I’m a bit ahead financially and you want to redistribute my money. It isn’t criminal to have ambition. It isn’t criminal to make money. If anything, when I was broke and homeless I had hope that one day I would be better off. One day I’d be on top. (Yep, that’s what she said.)

You preach acceptance but only as long as everyone accepts what you preach. You preach open-mindedness as long as everyone’s minds are opened only to your preaching. It’s easy to agree with likeminded people. It’s something to take note of when someone accepts others in spite of their opposing views. It’s something to admire when someone RESPECTS the opposing views of others.

You’re entitled to your opinion and I don’t dislike you as a person. I don’t know you. But your politics tell me that YOU don’t believe that I have the ability and the fortitude to get by in life without the government’s help. Your politics tell my daughter and me that because we have vaginas we need to hide behind the government. Your politics tell my son and my husband that because of their gender and the color of their skin that they should be ashamed and apologetic for a mindset that they don’t have. Instead, why not lift up the people of America and establish the government to empower its citizens to do for themselves as much as they can? If I’m capable, I should be expected to have certain responsibilities. And if I work hard and get an education and take opportunities as they come, I should be able to have a certain lifestyle without feeling guilty and without the government stepping in and telling me that I have too much.

Maybe I’m jaded from years in Corporate America. But one thing I’ve learned is that sometimes, strong leaders are assholes. Sometimes they hurt feelings. Sometimes they say things that aren’t popular or politically correct.   But they still drive billion dollar revenues. They still create jobs.  And that’s all investors care about. As an American, as a woman, I don’t care if Trump doesn’t respect women. He can’t strip me of my rights. Checks and balances protect what I have. And I’m used to having to work twice as hard for half the reward. It sucks. Big time. But I’m raising my daughter to know that life isn’t fair but that doesn’t mean to stop fighting. If it’s worth it, you have to earn it.

I’m an American. I’m fucking proud to be an American. I love everything America stands for. I love that people have the right to peacefully assemble to protest. I love that Americans have the right to openly disapprove of the government. You have the right to be hypocritical. Remember that the way you feel today is the way a shit ton of people felt 8 years ago. And again 4 years ago.

If you have the opportunity to run again, my advice to you is to listen. Listen to what people are saying and not what you want them to say. Ask questions and observe. Be ethical. If Bernie wants to run from the grave, don’t cheat. If you have access to secrets, guard them. If someone gives you money as a donation to charity, give it to those it’s intended to help. If someone calls you for help, help them. If Bill cheats, cut off his dick. And leave him. Then payoff the debt he left you with, make more money than him, and become the first female president. That’s my plan, at least.

We will have a strong female option one day. And I will vote. And I will cry happy tears when she wins. Not because she has a vagina. But because she has a vagina and she’s capable, and she is gonna kick ass.  Also, Dirty Rotten Scoundrels is on right now and I think we can all agree that’s a kick ass movie. 

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You’re as Smart as Any Boy

Yesterday I read a report that Joe Biden told a group of young female coders that they are as smart as any boy.  Four years ago that would have sent me off in a tirade about how men are stupid dumbasses and women clean up their messes, fix their problems, and hand them their balls.

But, times have changed for me.  I now have an adorable three-year old son and an amazing, supportive husband who are my examples of strong male intellect.  And, I don’t want my daughter to grow up thinking that a strong, supportive, smart man doesn’t have a place in her life.

{It’s the insecure, manipulative douchebags that will die if they look at her.}

So, instead of an impulsive, sharp-tongued tirade, I offer you the following ten items as my long-pondered, calmly-typed thoughts on the topic of female intelligence as compared to that of the male population:

  1. Not all men choose to be stupid. Not all women choose to be smart.

{Obligatory exclusion clause.}

  1. The men and women who are not smart should be forced to become asexual because I vote to kick the women out of my lady club and I don’t want dumb men in my daughter’s future dating pool.

{Let’s just ship them all to the mysterious location of the doomed Malaysia Airlines flight 370 and be done with it.}

  1. Joe Biden must see himself as a half black, half Native American transgendered disabled woman. {No brackets needed.}
  2. I haven’t made up my mind about a female president. Not because I don’t think it’s a good idea but I know I would not make a good president of anything, especially the US.  Iran would end up with a baseball bat to the headlights of his nicest car, beaten naked with a shower curtain rod and left crying in the fetal position the first time he lied to me about a nuke program.

{Not kidding.  Try me.}

  1. To all the men who think they are superior to women, there is a highly intelligent woman somewhere manipulating you.

{I shall call him… Pinocchio.}

  1. The day we stop talking about gender equality is the day we are all seen as equal.

{She goes to MIT!  She must be smart.  Or MIT needed more female enrollment numbers… thanks, Affirmative Action!}

  1. Can a woman call herself a Republican without being called ditzy or a heartless beeatch?

{Cuz I don’t want to be in the same club as Nancy Pelosi.  Never mind.  I’ll just be a GDI.}

  1. I wear low-cut shirts not to temp you but to laugh at your weakness and steal your stuff while you are distracted.

{Using what I have to get what I want… that’s not stupid.  That’s resourceful.}

  1. You never hear of a successful woman being toppled by all the men she’s sexually assaulted and silenced with hush money.

{Well, he SAID “no” but his eyes said “YES!”}

  1. Eve is proof that God knew men needed help to get by.

{I personally think Adam ate the fruit and threw Eve under the apple-shaped bus, but whatever.} 


I love strong, supportive, intelligent men and I need them in my life.  My husband has shown me incredible things and compliments me wonderfully.

{And because he is one of the rare amazing ones I don’t make a big deal when he comes home with a TV the size of a train that will also cook us dinner and shake a mean martini.}

Bottom line:

Girls don’t need you telling them that they are as smart as any boy.  They need you to shut up and let them code a virus to crash Joe’s computer.

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