Paper Towels Ruin Cheese Dip

Every time I go to a bathroom that is located in a public establishment I find that I end up looking like a dirty, wet, wasteful person who hates Mother Earth because I have to use 2 paper towels and about 3 pumps of soap.

Could we all agree that whoever is in charge of electing the paper towel lengths needs to do us all a solid and make them longer?  Let’s face it, size DOES matter.  Don’t kid yourself.

Sometimes I get really excited when I wave my hands over the paper towel sensor and a reeeeeeallly long paper towel comes out.  I giggle inside.  It’s so sad.

That giggle should be saved for the things in life that are actually important and good and happy.  Like finding $20 in my coat pocket at the beginning of winter.  Or finding piece of chocolate that my kids forgot about.

And whoever is in charge of designing soap dispensers needs to redesign said dispenser so that more soap comes out.  Seriously.  No one can adequately wash hands (even tiny little baby hands) with the amount of soap that comes out of one pump.

It’s inefficient because I stand there twice as long as I should pumping out soap.  By the time I make it back to the table, my cheese dip is cold and coagulated.  Very annoying.

Like a trained monkey, I automatically assume that soap dispensers will always give me an inadequate amount of soap.  So I always give it 3 pumps (that’s what she said).

Sure, the foam soap looks like a lot.  But it isn’t.

I’m just like those people who salt their tortilla chips at a restaurant without tasting them first.  Those people annoy me.  How do you know your food needs salt if you haven’t even tasted it yet!!?!?!  Now I’m annoying myself with the soap.

In conclusion:

Longer paper towels

More soap

Don’t salt your chips without tasting them first

Don’t invent anything that takes so long to use that my cheese dip coagulates.

Really, these are life lessons, people.

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Beware of Paper Towels

Chopsticks at Panda Express… why?  You’re at Panda Express.  And you aren’t from China.  It’s like wearing a sombrero and poncho to Taco Bell.  Although, I think I’ve figured out why those who use chopsticks are so skinny.

Today at the gym a woman who looked to be in her 70’s walked from the shower and placed two paper towels on the bench in front of me.  While she was covered in a towel she hiked it up and sat on the paper towels while putting her shoes on.  She stood up and the paper towels got stuck in her butt crack.  No, I’m not joking.  The best part was the giggle that came out of her.

Does anyone else with kids feel like they’ve run a marathon after bathing 2 kids???  It sounds like it should be so simple!  Bathing 2 kids… it’s like herding wet cats.


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