How to Shop for a Mattress

K, so this title is a little misleading.  There should be a question mark after “Mattress.”  I don’t know how to shop for a mattress.  I need help.

Ever bought a mattress?

Ever bought one and wish you could jump on a plane, find the person who would create such a torture device and punch them in the eyeball?

When my hunky hubs and I got hitched we slept on either my old mattress or his old mattress for the first 2 ½ years.  His was older and kind of lumpy and mine was memory foam (which I loved but him not so much).

Plus, both mattresses were queen sized which really isn’t big enough for a former football playa and another person of any size bigger than a newborn baby.

Needless to say, we decided it was time for a “real” mattress.

We had visions (fantasies, really) of walking into our bedroom and seeing a beautiful, big bed calling softly, “Rick, Erica, you’re about to have the best night of sleep ever… Remember the Venetian Hotel in Vegas???  Remember how you slept beautifully all night and woke up feeling rejuvenated?  That’s about to happen again!”

No one warned us that mattress shopping is more frustrating than buying a car.  And just about as expensive.

We spent hours online researching brands and types of mattresses.  We went to mattress stores.  Huge, big rooms filled with nothing but mattresses.  If anything should help us figure this out, it should be huge, big rooms filled with nothing but mattresses.

Ever tried shopping at a store filled with beds while trying to keep 2 kids from jumping on them?

{Ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.}

We talked to friends who had recently purchased mattresses… get a pillow top, get this brand, that brand, get a Sleep Number, don’t get a Sleep Number, get a Tempurpedic, get a Beautyrest… I thought my brain would explode.

We finally went to Macy’s, tried out a few mattresses (iffya know whatti mean) (j/k) (or am I?) and settled on a pillow top king-sized mattress.

It was delivered and we were SO EXCITED to finally experience a night of good sleep.  The mattress was the perfect combination of soft but firm.  Like the perfect parent.

But like the perfect parent, the perfect mattress is, too, a unicorn.

We had 90 days to return the mattress if we weren’t satisfied.  I’m preeetty sure that we decided there was a problem on day 91.

First we noticed our bed was beginning to look like a choppy ocean.  Flat-dip-flat-dip-flat.  We would get in the bed and both roll into our respective dips.  Not sexy.

The only thing that bed said to us was, “Hey, you picked me.  I’m all you got so let’s du dis.”  Apparently we purchased the My Cousin Vinny Mattress.

Rick was already talking about getting a new one.  WE JUST SPENT A SMALL FORTUNE ON THIS THING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My back ached.  My shoulders hurt.  My neck was stiff.  How is this possible?

I was determined to make it work.  I researched the issue and discovered it’s common with pillow tops, especially king-sized pillow tops.  And the issue is so common that there’s business in creating products that will “fix” the dips.

Hey, I just spent all my money on this thing.  I don’t have $150 to fork over to you for a “fix”.

One blog I read said that the manufacturer will refund your money if the dips are greater than 2 inches.  How am I supposed to measure that?  Stick a ruler in the dip and try to line it up with the flat part?  I can assure you that the dips are greater than 2 inches.  But I’m not going to try to measure it.

Another blog I read said to stuff flat pillows under the mattress where the dips are.

So that’s where we are.

It worked for a little while.  But now it’s not working any longer.

As it stands, we will be buying another mattress soon.  Probably a Sleep Number.  Maybe.


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