You’re as Smart as Any Boy

Yesterday I read a report that Joe Biden told a group of young female coders that they are as smart as any boy.  Four years ago that would have sent me off in a tirade about how men are stupid dumbasses and women clean up their messes, fix their problems, and hand them their balls.

But, times have changed for me.  I now have an adorable three-year old son and an amazing, supportive husband who are my examples of strong male intellect.  And, I don’t want my daughter to grow up thinking that a strong, supportive, smart man doesn’t have a place in her life.

{It’s the insecure, manipulative douchebags that will die if they look at her.}

So, instead of an impulsive, sharp-tongued tirade, I offer you the following ten items as my long-pondered, calmly-typed thoughts on the topic of female intelligence as compared to that of the male population:

  1. Not all men choose to be stupid. Not all women choose to be smart.

{Obligatory exclusion clause.}

  1. The men and women who are not smart should be forced to become asexual because I vote to kick the women out of my lady club and I don’t want dumb men in my daughter’s future dating pool.

{Let’s just ship them all to the mysterious location of the doomed Malaysia Airlines flight 370 and be done with it.}

  1. Joe Biden must see himself as a half black, half Native American transgendered disabled woman. {No brackets needed.}
  2. I haven’t made up my mind about a female president. Not because I don’t think it’s a good idea but I know I would not make a good president of anything, especially the US.  Iran would end up with a baseball bat to the headlights of his nicest car, beaten naked with a shower curtain rod and left crying in the fetal position the first time he lied to me about a nuke program.

{Not kidding.  Try me.}

  1. To all the men who think they are superior to women, there is a highly intelligent woman somewhere manipulating you.

{I shall call him… Pinocchio.}

  1. The day we stop talking about gender equality is the day we are all seen as equal.

{She goes to MIT!  She must be smart.  Or MIT needed more female enrollment numbers… thanks, Affirmative Action!}

  1. Can a woman call herself a Republican without being called ditzy or a heartless beeatch?

{Cuz I don’t want to be in the same club as Nancy Pelosi.  Never mind.  I’ll just be a GDI.}

  1. I wear low-cut shirts not to temp you but to laugh at your weakness and steal your stuff while you are distracted.

{Using what I have to get what I want… that’s not stupid.  That’s resourceful.}

  1. You never hear of a successful woman being toppled by all the men she’s sexually assaulted and silenced with hush money.

{Well, he SAID “no” but his eyes said “YES!”}

  1. Eve is proof that God knew men needed help to get by.

{I personally think Adam ate the fruit and threw Eve under the apple-shaped bus, but whatever.} 


I love strong, supportive, intelligent men and I need them in my life.  My husband has shown me incredible things and compliments me wonderfully.

{And because he is one of the rare amazing ones I don’t make a big deal when he comes home with a TV the size of a train that will also cook us dinner and shake a mean martini.}

Bottom line:

Girls don’t need you telling them that they are as smart as any boy.  They need you to shut up and let them code a virus to crash Joe’s computer.

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