Don’t Marry Yourself

A few days ago I came across this little gem of a headline on “Woman Keeps Promise of Marrying Herself on 40th Birthday”.  I needed a few days to process the flood of questions and confusion that immediately bombarded my brain.

It’s a FACT:  this is strange.  Like naked-grandma-boob-in-wall strange.

First of all, she made herself a promise that if she weren’t married by age 40, she’d marry herself.   I’m pretty sure I’ve made a similar deal with a few of my friends during drunken nights out in college.

Although… this is a little different, I think.  Mainly because any deals I may or may not have made definitely involved two people.

I’ve also heard of women who wanted a dream wedding so badly that they’ve had a “celebration” like a wedding to celebrate themselves.  More power to ya, if that’s your thing.  But to call it a “marriage” is interesting…

Next up, my questions:

Is this considered a gay marriage?

Did she have to sign a form saying that she and her proposed spouse aren’t blood related?

Was there a prenup?

Did she exchange rings with herself?

Did she kiss herself?

If she consummates the marriage, is that incest?

Are there tax implications?  Can she file as “married, filing jointly”?

What kind of gift does one bring to a wedding between someone and that person’s self?

{For the Honeymoon, a Selfie Stick!}

Does she merge bank accounts with herself?

Do any future children have two mommies or just one?

What would marital discord look like?

What if she finds true love tomorrow, does she have to divorce herself?  AWK-WURD holidays… And if that happens, whose side would her family take?  How would she and herself split their stuff?  Who gets the dog?

If she passes away, does she get to become her beneficiary?

TOO MANY QUESTIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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