I’m Afraid of Fear

Everything has its purpose, right? Even wretched creatures supposedly have their place in the world, or so we’re told by “scientists”…

{Roaches and snakes should all be murdered.}

Lately I’ve been doing a lot of thinking (which is highly dangerous because then I start talking about those thoughts and then the outside world has access to my inner thoughts and then I see the looks on the faces of those people who have gained access to my brain and realize I should stop thinking so much).

But anyway…

Let’s back up, shall we? In August I accepted a position at a company that manufactures and sells automotive batteries. Seems like a market that isn’t going away any time soon, right? Wrong question to ask… the market may be in demand but the trick is to join a company that isn’t going anywhere. Oops.

I was told when I interviewed that the company was in bankruptcy and that it was emerging in September. I was sold the job under the pretense that upon emergence I would have the luxury of rebuilding the function from the ground up. That sparked the creative side of me that screams, “LET ME OUT!!!!” 99.9% of the time. I did my research, confirming what I was told, and happily accepted to begin the waiting game until I could build my masterpiece (AKA, the world’s best Comp department).

What was originally September became November shortly after I started. It happens. No big deal. Then November became December. December 15th. No, December 31st. January. Definitely January. Weeeeell, it’s looking more like March. March 27th is the emergence date. Hey, about March 27th… by the time the court approves it’ll be March 31st… well, April. Let’s go with that.

There is a lot of uncertainty right now and the scary part is that I have ZERO control over any of it. I’m at the mercy of the decisions (or indecisions) that other people make, or don’t make.

I’ve been toying with the idea of starting my own gig for the past 2 years or so. But I don’t know what I’m more afraid of: being a part of a corporation that can go belly-up with what feels like the drop of a hat or putting myself out there and having no one to blame but myself if it fails. Also,

I could make no money, I could LOSE money, I could get sued because someone gets a wild hair, I could pour my heart and soul into something that no one likes, I could make a huge mistake that costs thousands of dollars, I could have even less time with my family, I could pick the wrong business and end up miserable but stuck AGAIN, I could slip on a puddle of water and fall on a piece of metal and hit my head and forget everything and everyone I know and get bitten by a snake and… and… and…

It all boils down to CRIPPLING, PARALYZING FEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Referencing the beginning sentence, fear definitely has its place. Fear (most of the time) keeps my kids from doing dangerous stuff that could kill them. Fear keeps me from going to creepy places by myself at night where all the murderous bad guys hang out (actually, at this time in my life it’s not fear, it’s exhaustion that keeps me in at night). Fear keeps my husband from saying certain things to me during my “certain time of the month” (usually).

Fear in moderation is healthy. But fear in excess is what keeps us not only from danger, but from greatness.

It’s paralyzing. I don’t want to go left. I may get hit by a car. I don’t want to go right. I may get hit by a car. Yep. I’ll stay right here. Thanks.

I’m tired of letting fear dictate what I can and can’t do. Anyone else with me?

Looking back, fear has always had its say in my life. Fear is like that co-worker that’s always negative or back-stabbing and the boss thinks it’s just easier to appease this horawful person than take a stand… you know what I’m talking about.

I could have been a great gymnast. If not for the fear of falling on my head and breaking my neck.

I could have been a great college cheerleader. If not for the fear of falling on my head and breaking my neck.

I could have been Miss America. If not for the fear of saying something stupid in front of a bunch of people and possibly falling on my head and breaking my neck.

{Hey, a girl can dream.}

I could have been more fluent in Italian and Spanish. But I’m horrified of saying something that makes me look stupid so I didn’t talk when I should have so that I could make mistakes and learn from them so now I have the fluency of an 18-month old.

Being afraid isn’t pretty. Ever seen anyone’s “I’m terrified” face?

Poor guy.

Boldness is beautiful. Confidence is beautiful. Determination is beautiful. That’s what we should aim for.

I’ve always heard what “ladies” shouldn’t do. I’ve heard what path I “shouldn’t” take. We can’t do what we love and make a living doing it. We would starve! We can’t have an important job and raise a family. The family would fall into anarchy and chaos!

How about as a community we stop telling ourselves and others what is impossible and start solving problems. Stop placing limitations because of what bad could happen and realize the possibilities of greatness. As a leader my philosophy is “Don’t point out problems, create solutions”. What if we applied that to life in general?

I bet we would be much prettier…

But what if I

RULE THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bwah-hahahahahaha

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