Snaky Sundays

Sunday afternoon I finally had the chance to go for a run.

Me and Georgia
Me and Georgia

There we are!

Last week was crazy between cheer practice for Bella, T-ball practice for Roman, and working late during the week, Saturday we had morning errands to run, a T-ball game from 11:30 until about 12:30, a football game at 2:15 (we were supposed to cheer for the whole game but lasted until halftime because of the heat AND because this coach wasn’t in the mood to herd cats anymore), then a concert (Drivin n Cryin!!!!!!!!!!!) at 6.

Sunday was a welcomed quiet day.  SOOOOOO, at about 4:30 I leashed up my sweet running buddy, Georgia, and off we went.

It was hot but it felt nice to be outside with no one asking me for gum or snacks or the location of anything in plain sight.  Or to wipe poo from ANYTHING.

The neighborhood beside mine is massive.  And it backs up to the Greenway, a really nice and long biking/running path with pedestrian and biking trails that connect circular tracks.  There are always a lot of people out walking, running, biking, doing whatever on strange contraptions that look like a treadmill on wheels???

We ran through the huge neighborhood and to the Greenway.  Just me, my huge puppy, and the Cake station on Pandora.  Peace.  Full.

As Georgia and I rounded the curve on one of the tracks I noticed something lying across the entire width of the two-way pathway.  I thought it was a large stick at first.  So I thought it was super odd that a lady was about 3 feet away from it taking pictures while her husband stood further back with his arms crossed and a look on his face that said, “YAY!!!!!!  Life Insurance money!!!!!!!!!”

Then I noticed what it really was.  Given my condition (a horrid phobia that I’m sure is treatable but is so bad that I don’t want it to be treated because I hate them) I asked the couple from afar just to be sure.

“WHAT IS THAT???????????”

The lady looks up from her phone just long enough to say, “Well, it’s not not poisonous.  It’s definitely dangerous.  Looks like a copperhead.  I wouldn’t come near it.”

Uh…

First of all, I’m super proud of myself for staying calm and not losing control of any bodily functions upon initially realizing what we’re dealing with here.

Second of all… that lady is re-dic-u-lous.  That demon was a least 6 feet long.  She didn’t have to tell me to stay away.  I was already headed in the direction from which I came and warning everyone I came across to BEWARE OF THE SNAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In my mind, shortly after I lost sight of the woman the snake ate her.

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Dating Site for Families

{Hey, you know Savannah in Roman’s class?  Her parents invited us over for dinner Saturday.  Interested?

How long do you think it’ll be before the conversation gets weird and they ask us to leave?

Lol, wanna time it?}

That’s usually how it goes in our house.  After Roman was born there was a period of time where we didn’t get out and do things with other couples.  Roman was kinda sickly and with 2 kids it was just easier to stay to ourselves.  We didn’t have to think or “entertain” anyone else.  We could both float by on autopilot.

Then we woke up from the parental fog that engulfed us for too long to admit and realized we missed outside fun.  We missed parties and dinners and FRIENDS.  But that fog hung out long enough for us to forget how to be friends to anyone other than each other.  When we found ourselves around other people we discovered we’d become socially… uh, how you say?  Ah yes.  DUMB.

For example, shortly after Roman was born we were invited to an engagement party.  Most people at the party were still in the ‘single’ phase of being a twenty-something.  We were the only ones there who were married with kids.  And not in our twenties.  And it showed.

It was the first time I was in the position to socially drink since Roman’s birth and apparently my stamina with alcohol hadn’t recovered.  (It never has).  Let’s just say I remember talking about my boobs and I remember my poor husband having to carry me to the car.  That’s…about…it.

Needless to say, we won’t be invited back.

Finding friends once you’ve had kids isn’t easy.  It’s more like dating, really.  Group dating.  Where everyone’s opinion matters and any one person can cause you to not get the call back.

Before, you’d go to yoga class on campus, strike up a group of girlfriends who obviously had similar interests.  You’d grab a drink after yoga (isn’t that what it’s for?) and go home.  Then do it again the next day.  You didn’t have anyone to answer to and no one else’s opinion to weigh.  Next thing you know, it’s been 5 years and you’re all BFF’s.

Now, you gather up your clan after bathing them for the first time all week, try to find presentable clothes, cross your fingers that they won’t bring up that weird thing you did last week, grab a bottle of wine so you don’t show up empty-handed, pray they drink so that you don’t offend them right off the bat, find their house, shoot your spouse one last “maybe this will work out” glance as you cross the threshold for dinner and hope for the best.

You all seemed to have a great time.  The kids got along.  Your husband got a tour of the wine cellar.  But then they never return your calls and you find out via a mutual Facebook friend’s page that they’ve moved to Isle of Man the day after you had dinner at their house.

Uh.

There has to be a simpler way.

Lady and Gentleman (yes, a nod to my 2 readers), I present to you match.com for families!

No pineapples, no car key bowls, just good, old-fashioned family friends.

What match.com is for singles, we’ll be for families.

No insta-sister-wife situations created by the likes of E-Harmony.  And unlike the Tinders of the world, our picks will be in it for the long haul.

These family dinner dates are so Millennial.  AKA, old school.

{I’m a Millennial so I can say that.} 

I have a good feeling about this.

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