Paper Towels Ruin Cheese Dip

Every time I go to a bathroom that is located in a public establishment I find that I end up looking like a dirty, wet, wasteful person who hates Mother Earth because I have to use 2 paper towels and about 3 pumps of soap.

Could we all agree that whoever is in charge of electing the paper towel lengths needs to do us all a solid and make them longer?  Let’s face it, size DOES matter.  Don’t kid yourself.

Sometimes I get really excited when I wave my hands over the paper towel sensor and a reeeeeeallly long paper towel comes out.  I giggle inside.  It’s so sad.

That giggle should be saved for the things in life that are actually important and good and happy.  Like finding $20 in my coat pocket at the beginning of winter.  Or finding piece of chocolate that my kids forgot about.

And whoever is in charge of designing soap dispensers needs to redesign said dispenser so that more soap comes out.  Seriously.  No one can adequately wash hands (even tiny little baby hands) with the amount of soap that comes out of one pump.

It’s inefficient because I stand there twice as long as I should pumping out soap.  By the time I make it back to the table, my cheese dip is cold and coagulated.  Very annoying.

Like a trained monkey, I automatically assume that soap dispensers will always give me an inadequate amount of soap.  So I always give it 3 pumps (that’s what she said).

Sure, the foam soap looks like a lot.  But it isn’t.

I’m just like those people who salt their tortilla chips at a restaurant without tasting them first.  Those people annoy me.  How do you know your food needs salt if you haven’t even tasted it yet!!?!?!  Now I’m annoying myself with the soap.

In conclusion:

Longer paper towels

More soap

Don’t salt your chips without tasting them first

Don’t invent anything that takes so long to use that my cheese dip coagulates.

Really, these are life lessons, people.

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Mindless Entertainment

I don’t usually watch reality TV.  It’s appealing in a “train wreck” kind of way but I don’t seek it out.  On the rare occasion I do catch it on when I’m interrupted while flipping channels I’m struck by the fleeting moments of relatability of the characters.  Because that’s what they are, right?  Characters?

{Although, living where I do I’ve noticed that Tiphis are everywhere.  Only it appears as though no one has told them that the cameras aren’t rolling.}

There are shows and documentaries that highlight the goofy and eccentric and uber-rich lifestyles.  And maybe for a second we all see a bit of ourselves in them.  “Oh I could see myself saying that” and for a second you can see yourself in that extravagant lifestyle or absurd situation.

People living above their means, people trying to fit in with a clique, people who have nothing better to do for a living than get into trouble.

When Real World aired I remember how intriguing it was.  It was literally like being a fly on the wall.  Networks quickly realized that over-the-top behavior drives ratings.  But do the networks have to gravitate toward the negative side of over-the-top behavior?

Now that I’m a parent I think a lot about what I want my kids to watch on TV.  And what I don’t want them to watch.  Why is it so hard to find a show that portrays an intelligent, driven female who has a strong marriage and puts her family first?

Could we stop giving air time to stereotypical bimbos who don’t respect their partners or themselves enough to find a meaningful purpose in life?

I don’t want my kids to see women portrayed as “Desperate Housewives” or to think that a “real” housewife gets drunk and slaps people all the time.

I want my kids to see that some women graduate from Ivy League schools and build careers just like men.  Some women build an empire from nothing while taking care of their family full time without a nanny.

I want my kids to see that some successful, beautiful women actually… wait for it…


Some beautiful, successful women… wait for it…


Speaking from experience, Karma can be your best friend or worst enemy.  It isn’t any harder to build someone up than it is to tear someone down.

Life isn’t about who can throw the most expensive party or inviting someone to an event just to make fun of them or confront them about something that should take place in private.

I don’t really care what kind of car you drive or where you live or what brand your clothes are.  If that’s where your stock is you need to re-evaluate.

I’m a train wreck enough on my own without purposeful drama added in.  And I know that it’s hilarious and entertaining.  People laugh at my crazy stories all the time.  My friends laugh with me when I trip or something embarrassing happens.  We don’t take ourselves too seriously and it’s awesome.  So I know that mean-spirited drama isn’t necessary.

When you chase ratings and absurdity there will always be someone willing to sell their soul for more money.  Why do we make them?   What if we were to say, “You’re an athlete.  Stick to that.”  Or “you’re an actress.  Stick to that.”

Reality shows tend to give an outlet to those who are otherwise washed up or have no real talent.

What if we changed that.  What if we use reality shows as an outlet for those with a message worth hearing that doesn’t involve a beautiful woman dressed in an evening gown upside down in a 10-tiered cake?

Although, let’s face it, that’s hilarious.

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This Is Why I’m Cheap

Here’s a Friday Fun Fact for you:

Well, yes, Matt Dillon does look like Burt (or is it Bert?) from Sesame Street but that’s a different topic for a different day.

The fact for today is that I am CHEAP.  There.  I said it.  (Ok, I typed it but whatever.)

I hate spending full price on anything and in some cases I hate spending money at all.  I belong to rewards programs, discount websites, discount warehouses, clubs, groups, apps, and will scan barcodes or share whatever info you request to get that free drink after buying a thousand at full price.

It’s a sickness, really.

Best guess is that this all started when I was a kid.  We weren’t rich but I didn’t think that should stop me from wearing kick-ass clothes.

Furthermore, anyone in the Atlanta area ever hear of K&D Shoes?  If not, you should read this then quickly drop everything and go.  It’s my candy land.  Here’s everything you need to know:

K & D Shoe Warehouse
Located at 2240 Dogwood Dr SE
Conyers, GA 30013
Phone: (770) 285-2872

My aunt and uncle own it.  (Ask for Dede or Billy and tell them that I sent you so that they know how much I love them.  Aaaand maybe I’ll get a free pair of shoes.  Disclaimer: my uncle may hit on you if you have boobs.)

That’s right.  I have access to a WAREHOUSE full of glorious shoes that I have never paid full price for.

Anyway, that shameless plug is over.

My love of all things wonderful and cheap solidified when I discovered the Apparel Mart.  It is AMAZING.  Everything was wholesale!  I had no idea that places like that even existed!

After that it was over.  My life changed forever.  Gone was the $100 shirt.  Gone was the $400 handbag.  Not today, Gucci.  Not today.

Now, I love having nice clothes and accessories just as much as anyone else.  I love being in shape.  I love eating at restaurants and traveling and experiencing the finer things in life.  But I feel like there is a war raging on our beautiful planet.  Me vs. Those Who Want My Money.

I have a finite amount of money.  We all do.  And in order for someone to make money, money has to be taken from someone else.  So whoever I choose to give my money to better offer me something that I can’t do for myself and that I know I can’t get for less money and same or better quality somewhere else.

Here is a list of items I refuse to spend any money at all on (for the most part):

My hair

My nails

My fitness

My recipes

I may on occasion go to a blow-out bar and get my hair done but that’s only when I need to feel pampered.  Any other time I do it myself and save $50.

I will, however, spend whatever I need to in order to get a glorious haircut.  Although, as it turns out, I don’t have to spend all that much.  My stylist just opened a new salon called RUUT in Cumming, GA.  If you live within 1000 miles I highly suggest you visit Nicole.  She is AH-MAY-ZING.  And she is very reasonably priced!

My nails I prefer to do myself.  Pedicures are pretty much torture for me because I hate for my feet to be touched.  Manicures are just odd.

Do I look the person in the eye while they are rubbing my forearm with lotion?  Do I look away?  I’m confused and this is awkward.  How ‘bout I just paint my own nails and go get a massage if I feel the need to relax… I can’t give myself a back massage so I’ll spend money on that.

Personal trainers are wonderful.  They help people get fit and provide motivation and accountability.  But I can do all that on my own.  I trained to be a body builder/fitness model just long enough to learn what to do.  Doesn’t mean I’ll do it, but I KNOW what to do.

I’ve used a trainer once in the past 5 years.  The session ended up more of a partnership with me showing him some workouts that I’ve learned over the years and then we challenged each other to see how many crunches we could do.

Recipes are something I refuse to pay for.  There are so many free apps and recipes on the internet, meal plan builders that can help you plan for weeks of healthy, balanced meals.  I refuse to pay for someone to tell me what I already learned after weeks of excessive Googling when I decided to learn how to cook and get healthy.

Can I give myself a massage?  No.  Can I make myself a movie?  No.  (Well, technically I guess I could but it would take too long and wouldn’t be very good.)  I’ll spend money on things I can’t do for myself.

Here is a list of things that I will spend a discounted amount of money on:

everything else

Although, one thing I’ve noticed is that with a lot of things you do get what you pay for.  A Balenciaga handbag is typically going to last longer than one I’ve purchased for $10 at Sam Moon.  A pair of Louboutins will generally last longer than a pair of shoes I’ve purchased at Target for $25.  But here is my reasoning behind spending less on a product that may be less quality:

If my child runs at me full-speed and breaks his fall on my $10,000 handbag, I’m going to instinctively take that loss out on my child for being a kid.  I’ll be sad that I’ve wasted $10k, I’ll be sad that the bag is broken… then I’ll feel bad for getting upset that my child was being a child.

HOWEVER, if my little love nugget breaks the $10 bag, no big deal.  I can get 2 more.  I don’t bat an eye and my instinct is to pick up my clumsy little darlin’ and tickle the tears away.

If my dog chews up a pair of $200 shoes I’ll be pretty pissed.  If she chews up a pair of $25 shoes I’ll still be pissed but not as much.

I don’t ever want things to have more value than my relationships with people.  Or salsa.  I’d hate to have to give up salsa so that my $200 shirt stays clean.  Lol, that’s funny.  I’ll never give up salsa.

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